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The Purity Myth

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red eye abstinent

I recently read The Purity Myth by feminist writer Jessica Valenti.

At first, I really identified with this book. I’ve been through many Christian sex education classes and I’m only just beginning to realise some of the deeper effects this has had on my sexuality and the way I view gender roles.

When I got my first boyfriend at 14/15, my mother gave me a sex talk. She sat me down on the bed pulled out a tissue. She began ripping this tissue into shreds: “This tissue is your purity. Every time you give your body to a boy, a piece of yourself is ripped away and you can never get it back. You can never be whole again. One day, when you find a husband, all you will have to give him is a ripped up, incomplete, worthless tissue. Sex is special. Sex is sacred. So save it for marriage.”

This is pretty much the only time she’s ever attempted to “teach” me about sex. Every other time she has mentioned sex to me is basically having a go at me for wanting to have it.

Of course, when I was 14/15, I knew beyond a doubt that I was going to marry this boyfriend of mine. He was my true love, so we got a little bit sexual, the tissue thing didn’t mean a whole lot to me.

However, when this boyfriend dumped me, feelings of shame and regret consumed me. I had sinned against God, I had sinned against my parents, I had sinned against my future husband, I had sinned against my own body. I was dirty, tainted and tarnished. I would never be completely pure again. I asked for forgiveness and eventually got over it, as my doubts grew and faith dwindled.

Now I’m an atheist, and I’ve been thinking about this rather traumatic experience. I don’t understand why sexual activity makes someone dirty, I don’t understand how it takes something away from me. It is just another life experience. The skewed Christian view of sex is what makes people feel dirty, used and empty, not sex itself.

These Christian conservatives describe sex in extremely negative terms. It results in the loss of one’s health, self esteem, freedom, happiness. My thoughts on this echo Valenti’s:

“When did sex become such a downer?…These are fighting words for those of us who see sex as a healthy expression. Would it be so terrible to talk about sex in a way that acknowledges how wonderful it can be?”

When I began actually having sex, it turned out to be great for my health, self esteem, freedom and happiness. Obviously, sex isn’t so great for every teenager. But Christians shouldn’t hide the fact that it can be.

Another thing that Valenti wrote really stood out to me and challenged my thinking. I used to think abstinence was about self-respect because it ensures your partner values your heart and personality more than your sexuality, but as Valenti explains, the purity thing can easily turn people into sexual objects:

“By focusing on girls’ virginity they’re actually positioning them as as sexual objects before they’ve even hit puberty.”

In Pop Culture, the value of a person is often determined by how sexy they can be. In Christianity, the value of a person is often determined by their virginity. The church would never admit it openly, but illustrations like my mother’s tissue make it pretty clear. Either way, an individual’s value is determined by sexuality, not their personality, not their morality. These world views are just as shallow as each other.

There were some things in Valenti’s book that I disagreed with though.

It focused on how females are affected by the Purity Myth, and barely said anything about it’s effects on boys and men. I guess that’s the feminism coming out, but it seemed more like sexism to me. I’m not American, so perhaps the situation there is different to what I have experienced, but in my school and church, boys have been encouraged to be abstinent just as much as the girls have. If anything, they’ve probably had it shoved down their throat even more than the girls have, because they (supposedly) have a sex-drive that is more difficult to control.

Another thing I didn’t really like about the book was how Valenti blamed struggles women go through on patriarchy. She argues that men want to control women’s sexuality, that they do not trust women to make responsible decisions about their own bodies. I think religion is the culprit, not men. The men are just obeying the Word of the Good Lord.

Despite this, The Purity Myth is an important book and it addresses some deeply damaging effects of Christianity.


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52 responses »

  1. this is such a complex subject… so many things to be said…

    • criticofchristianity

      Definitely. I think this is probably the longest post I’ve written because of that. Thanks for dropping by 🙂

  2. “She sat me down on the bed pulled out a tissue. She began ripping this tissue into shreds: ‘This tissue is your purity…'”

    Hardcore. This is insane.

    When I read this, it really produced quite an image. Glad you’re able to make sense of it all now.

    • criticofchristianity

      It was pretty full on. I’m so thankful I don’t have to deal with that guilt anymore. Thank you for commenting.

  3. it’s how religions work:

    First, create guilt by making people feel guilty about something that they wouldn’t have until you told them they should be.

    Second, persuade people that only you and your church have the means to assuage this guilt.

    Third, “Tithes in the plate, please folks…”

  4. I have to completely disagree with the following statements:
    ” In Christianity, the value of a person is often determined by their virginity. The church would never admit it openly, but illustrations like my mother’s tissue make it pretty clear. Either way, an individual’s value is determined by sexuality, not their personality, not their morality. These world views are just as shallow as each other.”

    Some of these may be true in various extreme sects of Christianity. However, all people should be valued strictly upon the fact that they are people. This is what I adhere to, my church adheres to, and my friends adhere to. We do not always treat people as we should but we would never condon those statements.

    • This is probably a stupid analogy in your mind, but if you pick up a really dirty $20 bill and a really clean $20 bill you can use both exactly the same. It is the same way with people. Some people have been roughed up a bit, by abuse, poverty, drugs, laziness, bad parents, fill in the blank. The fact remains that they are still people and do not lose their value.

      • criticofchristianity

        Then why be pure if the difference is as superficial as that? If someone gave me a twenty dollar note it really wouldn’t make a difference to me whether it was dirty or not.

      • I hope all those negative experiences, abuse, poverty, etc., are not supposed to be analogous to good, healthy sexual exploration. Negative associations with sex is exactly what Criticofchristianity is trying to move away from. And good for her for doing so. Sex is great.

      • criticofchristianity

        Fojap, I LOVE this comment. Why did I not think of this? It’s exactly my point, haha!

        Also, if the dirtiness of the $20 note is meant to be analogous to premarital sex then that is also suggesting that sex is a negative thing, that makes one not as good as they once were. Healthy sexual exploration would make the $20 note better! Not dirty.

        Hoorah for sex 🙂

      • I realise Fojap’s already said it, but this attitude that sex somehow spoils people is exactly the “First, create the guilt” tactic which I referred to above.

        Just wanted to add my thanks to Fojap for a a good comment.

      • In response to Fojap, Daz, and yourself I really don’t want to offend any of you. Maybe I can expound about my feelings on this. First, I should say that I have never had sex so you are right I don’t know what it is really like to have premarital sex. I completely agree that there are very different types of premarital sex. So let me give an example. I have a good friend who is Christian. Now he doesn’t always act like a Christian should. I remember when he was dating and having sex with a girl in high school that was a sophomore when he was a senior. When I asked if he could ever see himself marrying her his reply made it clear that he really just was in the relationship for the benefits. Now when he broke up with her she was devastated because she had been used.

        My point here is that you often have people just using others for gratification and nothing more. Now even though she consented in all of this my friend never took her thoughts, emotions, or mental well being into account. He was selfish. Just like I was when I used to look at pornography. For all I know some of those girls were forced into filming pornography, forced physically, emotionally, or financially.

        Now I know other people that love each other, truly care or each other, and had sex outside of marriage. Now I don’t condone that for Christians, but I think there is a real difference. Also the $20 bill goes for everything not just sex. So, say you were a thief . You may be “dirtied” up but you are still worth $20.

        Again I have never been married or had sex. However, I do have a girlfriend and neither of us had kissed anyone before each other. It was quite comforting to know that neither of us had anyone else to compare our kissing with. So, while I was quite terrible (I sure hope not) she thought it was great and vise versa. I imagine it will be quite the same should we get married and have sex.

        I guess all I really want to say is that growing up in the Christian Church I have never felt that my worth was determined by my sexuality. And I would hate to have you think that the God (who you don’t think exists) would determine your worth by your sexuality. Also, finally I want to only have sex with one girl. No one just because that seems to be the best way to me.

      • criticofchristianity

        But I wouldn’t equate thieving with premarital sex. As you said, sex isn’t dirty, it’s similar to eating or sleeping. Eating or sleeping doesn’t “dirty” a person up. I just don’t understand how sex does.

        When my boyfriend and I kissed for the first time, it really didn’t matter that we had both kissed other people before. I didn’t really think about comparing him to other people. The kiss was wonderful because it was me and him. It’s the same with sex.

        Also, even if you both haven’t kissed/had sex with someone before you will still notice whether it is good or not. There are still expectations even if they’ve never done it before. I imagine that even if I had never kissed a guy, I still wouldn’t like a really slobbery kiss, even though I had nothing to compare it to. I think this argument is a bit overused by Christians.

        I’m pleased you have never felt this way. Maybe it’s because you’re a guy. I don’t know. Maybe it’s cause you go to a less extreme church. Either way, good for you 🙂

        I’m having premarital sex and, if me and my boyfriend stay together, I might end up only having sex with one guy. Is it the best way? I don’t know. Maybe not in this day and age. But I know that if we broke up, and I ended up with someone else, I know I wouldn’t regret any of it. Sex with someone you love is an experience that adds to your life, whether you’re married or not.

      • I just want to be pure because I think my girlfriend would appreciate it. Also I do think that multiple sexual relationships can create baggage.

      • My only real objection to your point is that “pure” is the wrong word. The opposite of “pure” is “impure,” which has connotations of “unclean; dirty.”

        As regards people having multiple partners, each experience teaches something new; each new partner will have slightly different tastes and preferences which will teach something new. Would you rather eat bread every day because that’s all you know, or learn to cook like a gourmet?

      • criticofchristianity

        Haha I love this analogy!

      • criticofchristianity

        Maybe your girlfriend is picky. I never cared that my boyfriend had been with other girls. Before we were going out, he would ring me up and tell me about this girl he just slept with or whatever. It was always funny and exciting. If anything, we bonded over him sleeping with other girls haha 🙂

        Also, I’m not sure that sex creates baggage. Baggage comes from heartbreaks, which don’t really depend on sex.

      • In response to Daz. I try the best I can to not offend others, but at times I think that the Christian faith simply is offensive. The truth is that pure does have that connotation. The truth is also that don’t believe having multiple partners is good. The truth is that you disagree. By God’s standards (who I assume you don’t believe in, well Critic doesn’t at least) we are all impure. I am impure from my actions and so are you. This is a big difference between us. That is a bottom line difference between us. I believe we as humans need help you don’t. I know you probably think I am crazy for that but so be it.

        Second with the bread analogy. Aren’t you having bread everyday since each time you are having sex each time? Why does sex have to be bread each time with the one that you love? Can’t it be gourmet each time? You may not be experienced initially but you can learn about each other each time until you become a master of how your spouse likes it.

        In response to Critic, my girlfriend is not picky. She tells me all the time that if it turns out that I have three children living in Asia that she would still love me. She is not worried about past experiences. Now if I was currently having sex with someone else she would care. Also, if I planned on one day leaving her just because I thought I could get some better sex somewhere else she would probably be heartbroken. That would give her some baggage I think. (Granted that neither of us entered our relationship with your mind set. Maybe if we did there would be less baggage.)

        Finally, I want to leave a quote with you all and see what you think of it. “People were made to be loved, things were made to be used. The reason the world is in chaos, is because things are being loved, and people are being used.”

        Is sex a thing, a person, or have some people even made it into a god?

      • criticofchristianity

        Haha yeah I’m sure that would give her baggage, but it would be from your asshole-ness in doing that to her, not in premarital sex itself.

        Yeah that is a interesting quote. I agree with it. My point is that you can have sex with someone outside of marriage out of love. It’s not always about using people and self-gratification. So that quote goes well with each of our perspectives 🙂

        Sex is an expression of love, it’s a part of our nature. Maybe some people have made it into a God, but that’s their choice.

      • By God’s standards … we are all impure.

        And this is why I wouldn’t like this god, even if I thought he existed. My moral standards contain three basic categories: “unneeded/avoidable harm to others,” “helpful to others” and “does neither, so it’s none of the business of others.” What this God chappy appears to have is not morals, but tastes which he tries to make us comply with. Most of which are concerned with things which fall, in my opinion, into the “none of his business” category.

        Aren’t you having bread everyday since each time you are having sex each time?

        To stretch the analogy, possibly past breaking point; sure, I like bread. But I knew a woman who loved curry, and who’d who’d also been taught to cook sauerkraut by a previous lover. I, in turn, taught her a recipe I once learned for won ton soup, and passed on some of my own passion for fruit salads…

        Your idea that all sex is basically like bread is an idea born of your own inexperience; nothing more. There’s nothing inherently wrong about only having one partner. It’s just that it’s a matter of taste, not purity or impurity.

      • Sorry I am not saying that all sex is like bread. That would be boring. What I am saying is that can’t your learn to “cook” new and better meals with one partner?

      • Well, most other things in life, we get taught by people known as “teachers,” who pass their experience on to the less-experienced. This could give a whole new meaning to the term “sex education,” I grant you, but, erm…

        (Oh, and feel free to continue the analogy via “Joy Of Snacks” puns!)

      • Well it makes sense that you wouldn’t because you see Him as some power hungry entity making arbitrary rules. I would bet that the only reason that we think some of these morals are arbitrary rules is because we are looking from our own narrow perspective. Maybe the only reason he wants us to “comply” is for our own well being.

        Also, if God did create you doesn’t he really have any right to be concerned with your well being? I think that we terribly misunderstand God.

        I am studying to be a Mechanical Engineer and have been taking some intense math classes. In one class we have been discussing how it is likely that there are 10 space dimensions plus the dimension of time. After learning about it I looked up some stuff and found a pretty unusual analogy. Pretend that we live in just space dimensions and we are all represented by a single point and we cannot leave the two dimensions in which we reside. Now pretend a three dimensional object such as a sphere intersects our two dimensional plane?.

        What would the sphere appear as? A circle or a disc depending on whether it was hollow or not. Now imagine that we the dots attempt to classify this new object and we spend all this time fighting about whether it is disc or a circle. We can never know from our two dimensions because we can see inside the circle or disc. So then imagine that we the two dimensional creatures are able to move into the third dimension, height. Much to our chagrin we had some pretty heated battles and neither of us had a real understanding of the object. It wasn’t and empty circle or a disc. The entity was a sphere.

        I hope you followed the long analogy. The point I am trying to make is that it has been pretty much been proven by non-Christian mathematicians that there are 10 space dimensions and we live in three space dimensions. So if there was a creator of the universe that leaves us 7 dimensions to fill us with confusion and to fight about. haha. I just think that neither Christians nor non Christians have a full grasp of why God does what He does. Of course I think Christians are the closest. I am just say maybe God isn’t arbitrary like you think He is. Maybe it just seems that way.

      • I would bet that the only reason that we think some of these morals are arbitrary rules is because we are looking from our own narrow perspective./blockquote>

        But, according to you, he gave us that narrow perspective. For him to then punish us for judging the consequences of our actions by the only perspective he allowed us would, I suggest, be unjust and immoral of him.

        Your analogy:

        If I, as Mr Square, of Flatland see a large circle or disc, then all I should describe it as is a large circle or disc. Postulating a “third dimension” might be interesting, but I would have no way of testing whether this circle or disc actually extended into that dimension. And your God doesn’t appear to be quite as easily observable as Mr Square’s circle, I might add.

      • The observable part is definitely debatable from my opinion. I mean there is just a book of about a thousand pages which is basically a guide book if you choose to accept it as such. Again don’t parents sometimes limit a child’s understanding for a time in order to protect them? Then the parent often will reveal a full understanding later on when it is appropriate. The same thing is done in schooling. For example, in my differential equations class we just spent the last two months learning how to solve certain differential equations via many tedious methods. Just last week our teacher revealed a new method that is much easier and encompasses all the others we have learned. We had to have our knowledge limited initially before he taught us the new method. Maybe for a number of reasons God has done the same for us at this time.

      • p.s. I am glad you already heard of Flatlands 🙂

      • The observable part is definitely debatable from my opinion.

        Which makes you much nicer to debate than most religious folk I end up arguing with on t’internet!

        …a book of about a thousand pages which is basically a guide book if you choose to accept it as such. [My emphasis]

        We differ in this. I don’t choose what to accept. I go where the (tested) evidence points. Thus I have no choice in what to accept. So far, I’ve never been presented with evidence pointing to the concept “gods” being anything more than a fantasy.

        Again don’t parents sometimes limit a child’s understanding for a time in order to protect them? Then the parent often will reveal a full understanding later on when it is appropriate.

        You should read the Science Of Discworld books, by Pratchett, Cohen and Stewart. They (Cohen and Stewart; Pratchett just provides the fictional interludes they use as analogy) talk about this concept, giving it the name “lies (in a good way) to children.” Seriously, I do recommend them. They discuss real science and philosophy of science, not like books on the fictional science of Star Trek and the like. All three books make very interesting reading.

        Back to your own analogy, though: yes, parents and teachers do do that. They don’t consign the child to everlasting torture for transgression though. If we are, in the eyes of this god, children, then the punishment should reflect our consequent lack of adult responsibility for our actions.

      • In response to the comment about sex not creating baggage. Did you know that when you have sex with someone or even masturbate to porn that your brain acctually releases a bonding chemical that makes you bond with the object of your focus. I experienced this first hand from porn. I have baggage from that. (Before you say it, not baggage from guilt from the church)

      • criticofchristianity

        Yeah I know. It’s called Oxcytocin. It’s released during childbirth as well. But just cause you’ve had a bonding experience with someone doesn’t mean that you can’t experience it just as deeply with another person. Bonding doesn’t create baggage. Yeah I do suspect that it probably is baggage from the church. Or at least the mindset you have learnt from the church.

      • So say a child bonds with his parents and then his parents ditch him for some reason. Don’t you think that would create some baggage for the kid? I mean when someone tells you that they love you and then later they say they don’t love you, doesn’t that create heartbreak, baggage, etc. Also, didn’t you say that having sex is a way of showing love? (btw I agree. Sex is one of the best ways to show that you love someone) If you don’t love someone when you have sex it makes it pretty much just an animal instinct. But if you don’t believe in God or that you have a soul then that is pretty much all that your sex is – animal instinct – and you have no love to offer and neither does your partner. So from how I see it sex from your perspective should be nothing more than an act of procreation?

      • P.s. I hope you are still enjoying our conversations and I haven’t become a christian nuisance on your atheist blog.

      • criticofchristianity

        P.S. Oh no I am loving our conversations 🙂 I really appreciate having you here and offering a different perspective.

      • I am glad you agree I would be an asshole for doing so. I think we probably have two very different understandings of love and marriage, both of which are very difficult to define but I am just going to give a brief of my views.

        First, what is love? I believe that love is a combination of many things and there are many different types. Fortunately we live in a society where you can “fall in love” with someone and not have an arranged marriage. To me love is closely related to a desire to want the best for another person. I think the general understanding of love for most people my age Christian or not is a general feeling of happiness caused by another person. No different then the feeling of saying I love mint chocolate chip ice cream. Same feeling just different intensities.

        Well for me love is really being willing to put someone else’s best interests before your own. It is putting them before you. Now, I have definitely experienced the attraction and intense happiness that my girlfriend brings to me. That is there but I try to each day learn how I can put her before me.

        So what is marriage? To me marriage is just a commitment. If I ask my girlfriend to marry me it is basically me saying that I am choosing to love her even though I may not always feel like it in the moment, because I know that through it we can experience the best mature love that is not based upon how good she can make me feel.

        Why did God forbid premarital sex in the Bible? I don’t know it was probably a combination of many things. For me it is just another way to show my future spouse that she is the one I care about the most.

      • criticofchristianity

        No, I think we have very similar perspectives of love. I think most people know in their heads that love is about putting the other person’s interests before yours, but I think that they forget that sometimes because the feeling is so good.

        For me, marriage is simply a legal document that recognises something you have already done: commit the rest of your life to that person. Marriage is just a formal ceremony of something that happens in your heart, which is why I’m not a huge fan of it. It seems a bit superficial and pointless. Marriage is a legal process whereas commitment is a choice that has nothing to do with God or the law or anyone else.

      • Okay that is cool. I think marriage ceremonies are really meant to be a time where you stand before friends and family and say that you are committing to love this person before a bunch of witnesses. The groomsmen that I pick are not only going to be good friends, but people that I think will put me back on the right track if I am being a jerk to my wife.The problem is that while some people still acknowledge the commitment aspect of marriage, hardly anyone follows it anymore, especially Christians. I mean for a Christian like me God has a big part in it, because you are praying that God will bind you together. Also, you are saying before God that you are making a commitment, which for a Christian should be a big deal.

    • criticofchristianity

      I hope you are right, but analogies like my mothers really make it seem that way. I would like to think that my personal qualities are more important than my sexual history, but the underlying message of all the Christian sex ed I have received seems to be that your sexuality determines what you are worth to your future spouse and that your sexuality overrides any other personal qualities you may possess.

      This is just my experience, so it may be a gross generalisation to say that all Christians are like this, but after reading Valenti’s books I have realised it may be more common than I first realised, particularly in the US.

      • Well take the actions of Jesus with the woman caught in adultery. You are just as valuable today as you were the day that you were born. Whether you had sex, whether you were raped , whether you did anything, or were subjected to anything. You see it doesn’t matter. Your value is not determined by your sexuality. The fact that I used to objectify women does not change my value neither does the fact that I have changed. This is how I see it, this is how I have always been taught and this is what I want to share with people.

      • criticofchristianity

        Awesome, I’m pleased you see it like that. Unfortunately not every church teaches that.

    • You know I read a woman’s blog the other day and she was talking about how she went out and got lingerie to wear for her husband and invited him to come up to the bedroom. She waited and waited. He spend the whole night wacking of to randos on the internet instead. That is some baggage that he is still carrying. Also, maybe my baggage isn’t a self worth thing but maybe the fact that many of the girls that I have seen in porn were probably forced into it.

      If you don’t think society as a whole has put sex before people look at the preview of this documentary. In some countries 70% of men purchase sex like buying a pizza. The third largest industry in the world is the sale of women! Not prostitution or pornography but the actual sale of women (according to the video). Sex has put people in slavery. Sex is a wonderful thing but any good thing can be turned into a bad thing.

      • criticofchristianity

        Aw that poor woman 😦
        Again though, that’s his asshole-ness and lack of love for his wife. I think porn is fine in some contexts, but this guy obviously has issues.

        Yeah okay, you’re probably right there. Sex slavery is pretty sick. I’m just saying we don’t necessarily need marriage to eliminate those things, I bet many of those 70% of men are married. Commitment is something that happens in people’s hearts, and they obviously aren’t getting the hang of it.

  5. I like the $20 dollar analogy, and you are right, people do not lose their value because of the elements of their lives. Another thing I wanted to point out about sex and church is I have personal know 7 people that I talked one on one with and another 11-12 that I barely knew. These 18 people were all sexually molested when young. They really struggle with moving on. Because of the church. One of the woman I am talking about just died. She was a good friend of mine, and I saw the pain and shame she carried with her until she died (she drank herself to death). Her father molested her.. .A person who is suppose to protect her and love her, We could go on and on about this…but my point is, the church…when you are taught that sex is dirty, and whatever else they tell us (here in the US we are similar to what you said) and something like this happens and it is not your fault. does not matter cause sex is “dirty” so that must mean I am “dirty”…
    Another point on this is what I have learned. these little girls who are being molested, it was not always a painful experience, a lot of times it felt good and was enjoyable….until they found it how wrong it was…Now the guilt of enjoying something so wrong in societies eyes and you have the church telling you sex is dirty…What a mess it makes for someone who was innocent.
    I believe in God 100% but I do not believe in the church. I go to church once in awhile because I do like to here the word of God and its good discipline for kids. The part where they have to sit for an hour and be board out of their head and deal with it..

    • criticofchristianity

      I agree completely (except for the belief in God). The churches views on sex can be so damaging. It’s really worrying that people listen to them. The church has had some pretty negative effects on my life and I am so thankful that I have been able to realise how wrong they were.

  6. I just want to caution you about one little thing, and I’ve gone through this before with another person who had once been a Christian and blamed Christianity for most of society’s bad attitudes towards sex. Although, religion, with it’s all knowing spy in the sky and eternal punishments, definitely adds it’s own garbage when it comes to sex, some of this is also cultural. Whether it has it’s roots in Christianity and has seeped into the larger culture, or if it would be there anyway, is probably open to debate. But what I can definitely tell you as a much older woman who has dated a lot of men, almost none of them devout Christians and most of them atheists, is that you can encounter the same crappy attitudes about women’s sexuality among non-believers as well.

    The good news is that there are men out there who don’t have those attitudes and they’re usually looking for women who don’t have a whole lot of conflicted feelings about enjoying sex. You can usually figure out who they are just by talking to them, so it’s not like finding them is brain surgery. But just be warned, there are atheist men out there who think sex is for men, women only put up with it to have a relationship, therefore they don’t try to please you in bed, women who like sex are sluts, blah, blah, blah.They won’t reference the Bible, but they’ll start talking about Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus or some pop socio-biology book on sex differences. Sure, they don’t think you’re going to hell, but they make for bad lovers.

    • criticofchristianity

      Very good point. Thanks for commenting. I’m sure not all bad attitudes towards sex and women are a product of Christianity, of course some are a product of biological differences and cultural norms. I guess my personal experiences have led me to blame Christianity but I must be careful not to make generalisations because of this.

  7. Fojab made a lot of sense…I am not telling you to believe in God, but I would like to ask you who you do believe in, or what do you believe in? I ask this because I have had to conquer many issues in my life, some where put on me and some I did to myself. We all need something bigger than us to believe in.
    I just wrote a paper on Thia massage, and learned about Buddha and how Buddhism came to be. This is not a religion it is a way of life. Statistics says its the 3rd largest religion , but like I said it is not a religion away of life. It is a pretty neat story, He was a prince and followed his “calling” even though the King and Queen had guards on him 24/7 he still manage to get out.
    Just a thought to play with…

    • criticofchristianity

      Yeah, I’ve studied Buddhism before, very interesting, very beautiful in a lot of ways.

      For me, it’s not about what I need or what I want, it’s about a search for truth. I don’t believe in any higher power or any after life, but I do believe in living life to the fullest and having as much positive impact as I can. I guess I’ve given myself this “calling” because it makes logical sense to me and also means I am living for something bigger than myself. A selfish life is pretty pointless so I want to do the opposite of that. I hope that all makes sense, haha 🙂

  8. “Just another life experience” probably doesn’t give sex its due!

    I don’t think purity is a bad value to hold when making sexual decisions. This was true for me when I was 15 and unmarried. But, it’s no less true for me now when I’m 51 and married.

    The Bible’s story also leads me to believe that the connection between sexuality and faithfulness is important.

    • criticofchristianity

      Well it is just another life experience, although it is an especially wonderful one. What it most definitely isn’t is dirty, wrong or unhealthy, as the church seems to say it is (unless it’s within marriage).

      I don’t really think of purity as a value. It’s not necessarily a bad thing but I don’t really see any point in making a huge deal out of like the church does. That just ends up having harmful effects on people by making them feel guilty.

      I agree that there’s an important link between sexuality and faithfulness. Not because the Bible says so, but because sex can be an expression of exclusive, mutual love. (Although not always.)

  9. Pingback: Sex Addiction | fojap

  10. I don’t think sex is dirty. I think it is a great thing. Just like the pleasure you can get from eating, sleeping, exercising, etc. However, to much of a good thing can be a bad thing.


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