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There’s More To Me Than My Virginity

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Virginity has been valued since ancient times. Virgins have been said to possess supernatural powers. They have been given a special religious role such as the Vestal Virgins in Ancient Rome. The Aztecs made sacrifices of virgins to the gods. And, of course, the virginity of Mary has always been an important article of the Christian faith.

Even in the 21st Century virginity is valued highly (albeit mostly in the developing word). In the Middle East, a woman who does not have an intact hymen on her wedding night may be killed for it, even if she lost it through rape or riding a camel. In prostitution, sex with a virgin is much more expensive than with a more experienced worker. Furthermore, due to the rise of STIs such as AIDS, virgins are becoming increasingly sought after for their purity. In some cultures it is believed that sex with a virgin will cure such diseases, increasing the value of virginity.

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Given this ancient, superstitious obsession with virginity, I get a bit sceptical when Christians tell me that my virginity is sacred. Beliefs like that seem a bit too tribal for my liking, particularly when the virginity of women is valued over that of men. At school, I was given a warning that one day the love of my life may refuse to marry me if I’m not a virgin.

I have something to say. I AM NOT ANY LESS OF A HUMAN BEING BECAUSE I AM NOT A VIRGIN.

Any guy that refused to marry me because I’m not a virgin is obviously an ignorant dickhead, and I would not like to marry someone like that. In fact, being sexually active has enriched my life and my relationship with my boyfriend. It is not a bad thing at all. I’m not sure why a person’s first time is so often described negatively: losing your virginity, de-flowering, popping the cherry. Sex is just another life experience. Sometimes it turns out bad, sometimes it turns out wonderfully.

Sure, I think it is sad when people lose their virginity on a drunken, meaningless one night stand. The sex wouldn’t even be that good with the awkward, inexperience of a virgin and the lack of coordination that comes with alcohol. It might not even be remembered the next morning. While I don’t think virginity is overly important, sex isn’t something to thrown around like it’s nothing. It is an expression of love, and it has nothing to do with God.

I am thankful I lost my virginity to a boy I was (and still am) deeply in love with. A guy I could call my best friend. Who I wasn’t embarrassed to make a fool of myself in front of and who I didn’t feel the need to impress. It was a safe, fun, respectful experience. We weren’t married, but that does not make it any less special or valuable. I was 16, he was 17.

My boyfriend wasn’t a virgin and I was barely a virgin. This was not a big deal at all. What mattered was that we loved and respected each other, and were committed to each other. (Needless to say, he had been tested and we used contraception. SAFETY FIRST.) His past experiences and my past experiences made us who we are. They brought us together, and so there is no need for regret.

Virginity is totally overrated, thanks to Christianity. Lack of virginity should not get in the way of a relationship. Sex is an experience that can enrich or ruin your life. Be smart about it. Be critical about it. Don’t let the religious lies about the importance of “purity” stop you from having a wonderful, healthy sex life.

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About Ellen Rose

Blogger curious about how travel helps us to lead more meaningful lives.

22 responses »

  1. Well said. Although, not all of us are less coordinated drunk. I think that is when I am at my best lol. And I actually prefer not remembering a lot of my drunken sexual escapades. So, drunk sex is not that bad, all in all, for me, at least.

    Regards

    Reply
    • criticofchristianity

      Haha oh yeah, good point! Drunk sex can be lots of fun!! But some of my friends have really regretted doing it with some random whilst off their face as their first sexual encounter. It seems to me that it probably isn’t the best way to start off one’s sex life.

      Reply
      • Probably not, but there are worse things than drunk one night stands.

        Is ‘off their face’ a common expression for being drunk in your part of the world?

      • criticofchristianity

        Yeah I agree with you there.
        And yes it is. Don’t they say that where you are from??
        I’m really realising how much Aussie slang I actually use from being on here!

      • Nope, that’s a new one. Aussie slang? Now, that would be interesting. Although, I am an Irish-American from the South. So, I think my slang for being buckled–lol–could keep up.

      • criticofchristianity

        Yeah, Aussie slang is great. Irish-American from the South?? You must have a crazy awesome accent! Being buckled? Is that your slang for drunk? I’ve never heard that before.

  2. Yeah, I get a lot of shit about my accent. Yes, it is. Buckled, sozzled, locked, lubed up, sauced, drunk as Kooter Brown, throttled, fucked out of my gourd, etc. are all slang for being drunk. Being Irish and from the South, drinking is about as essential as breathing lol.

    Reply
    • criticofchristianity

      Haha wow! It’s the same in Australia. Drinking is what we do. What about pissed, sloshed, smashed, plastered, shitfaced, blind and wasted? Are those used in America or are they Aussie too?

      Reply
      • Pissed is used, but only very rarely. I’ve never heard ‘blind.’ The rest are used quite often.

        Another one that is very popular in the South is tore up. It is brilliant when said with a southern accent.

        Yes, I know you Aussies are crazy. I met some of your lot on Spring Break once. It got a bit out of control, I must admit.

        Just out of curiosity and off topic, is the Australian Open a very big deal in Australia? Or is it blown out of proportion by the media?

      • criticofchristianity

        Yeah the Australian Open is a reasonably big deal. I’ve been watching quite a bit of it on the telly. The media probably make a bigger deal about it than it really is though, as they do with pretty much everything. The cricket is what’s really a big deal.

  3. Yeah I thought as much. Now, telly is something that is never used in America. Our shortened version of television is TV. Cricket shares a lot of similarities with our baseball. In fact, a large part of American baseball lingo and stat-keeping–box score, for instance–originated with cricketer enthusiast and Brit, Henry Chadwick. Most Americans refer to him as the ‘father of baseball.’ Even though baseball has a storied history in my country, it is not as popular as it was 30 or even 20 years ago. American football is king, now. Everybody watches football, I mean everybody. It is quite amusing sometimes because even people that don’t know dick about the game will pretend they are knowledgeable about the game just to seem normal. We, even, had some well-known figures in politics get in PR trouble for calling men who didn’t like football homosexuals. In the South, the love of football reaches its pinnacle. It equals evangelical religious fervor. In fact, usually the most religious are the most passionate about their football teams. There is a popular saying amongst southerners that demonstrates American southerners love of football, drinking, and religion it goes: In the South, there are three things that matter: football, beer, and God. In that order.

    Reply
    • criticofchristianity

      Haha oh no another slang word I don’t even realise I use!! We do say TV here as well.

      I never really thought about cricket and baseball being similar, but they totally are! I think baseball would be harder though because the bat is shaped so weirdly!! That’s interesting, baseball is one of those stereotypes that automatically go with America. But then again so is football. Haha I mostly know this from watching American chick-flicks where the girl is always hopelessly in love with the “quarter-back”.

      Football is very popular in Australia too. Summer is cricket season and winter is footy season. Australian football is completely different to American football though. I think American football is more like rugby? I don’t know. I get it all confused.

      If our politicians called men who didn’t like football homosexuals I don’t think anyone would complain. They would just be stating a widely accepted fact. Haha! It sounds like Australia and the South are very similar! We’re just not quite as big on the God bit. And beer would probably become before football. lol!

      Reply
      • Yes, hitting a baseball is quite hard, believe me. Hitting a round ball with a round bat–fucking difficult!

        Haha! Yes, you gotta love Hollywood. It is quarterback, btw. No hyphen necessary lol.

        American football is similar to rugby, but there are more dissimilarities than similarities. Although, rugby and football are in agreement on one point: hit the man with the ball.

        Yes, the Aussies I met on SB said the same thing about the South and Australia being similar. Southerners love beer, but football comes first. Your community seems, from the couple of posts I have read, to be quite big on the God bit?

      • criticofchristianity

        My little city, which is in a rather rural part of Australia, is big on the God bit, but I think as a whole Australia is pretty atheistic/agnostic/doesn’t-really-give-a-shit. Our Prime Minister is an atheist. I don’t think my state has really caught onto this trend yet though. People from the mainland have actually said to me that coming here is like stepping back in time. But it’s only a month now until I move to Melbourne! Yay! Escape! Modernity!

  4. Ah, I didn’t know that about the PM. Yeah, rural areas have an abnormal proclivity to like God. I come from a rural area in the great state of Alabama–probably not too unlike where you live. I love my family and that region, but my leaving was necessary. I played some college baseball so that assisted in my departure. The independence was lovely, but I did tend to miss the simplicities of rural life, not often though. After my first college graduation, I spent a little time working in north Florida, which was quite close too my hometown–little over a hour away, and I began to understand that my subtle desire for living cheerfully in that particular part of the world was an impossibility. I decided to go back to college and study two subjects I thoroughly enjoyed but would never have had the time to study properly while involved in collegiate athletics: biology and chemistry–I study biochemistry. Now, I am just your typical twenty-something kid, who works a shitty job and pours through data and, mostly, chemistry research at University in hopes of doing science for the rest of his life.

    Melbourne, huh? For school?

    Reply
    • criticofchristianity

      Yeah, I don’t think I could stay here. There’s nothing really for me to do here. No jobs that interest me, no (decent) university. It’s a really beautiful place though and I’m sure I will miss some aspects of it, but I would go mad if I had to stay here. I can’t wait for the independence. I love my parents but we fight a lot and it’s difficult for me to do the normal 18 year old parties-social life-sex-drinking thing. In saying that, they have chilled out a lot more about what I do over the last few months. They aren’t as strict as they used to be. However, I have become an expert at lying to them, which I hate, but unlike them I believe I only have one life, and I’m not going to miss out on being young. Haha!

      Chemistry and biology, you must be smart. Haha oh well a job is a job. I’ve been a waitress for the last 4 years at a restaurant owned by people from my church. I really really really hate it. Not long left now though!

      Yeah, I’m starting Uni there. I’m totally excited. I’m just going to do a Bachelor of Arts. Do some philosophy and history and politics. No idea what job I’ll end up getting with that, but I don’t really know what job I want, so I’m kind of just following what I like doing. I was going to do law, but my entry score was one point under the score required to get in at this Uni in Melbourne. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do law anyway, so it’s probably a good thing I didn’t get in. It was just prestigious and has a clear career pathway, not something I really wanted to do. My dad is pretty disappointed about that, but oh well. It’s my life.

      Reply
  5. Yeah, there will be something you miss about it. You’ll call it home for the rest of your life, more than likely. When I go visit my parents I always say, “I’m coming home.” Or “I am going home.”

    No not that smart, I’m afraid. I just enjoy learning. If you knew me you would know what I mean. My apartment is full of books. In fact, I’m beginning to have a book problem–I’m running out of places to put them lol. Reading, writing, and learning science are certainly the things I want to do while I am alive. I don’t know what will happen after I die, but while I am alive I want to live with, as Emerson phrased it, a canine appetite for knowledge–as if I am continually operating on the boundaries of some great piece of understanding. Living life like one does not know quite enough, yet.

    Yes, university life is very exciting, especially for the youngsters. Lol! There is nothing wrong with a BA. I have a BA in European History. Of course, I’ve switched fields, but I still enjoy history, and I always will. I learned a lot studying history and that knowledge has been very useful in my current field. If I could give you one piece of advice it would be: to think for yourself. Don’t let anyone discourage you from forming your own opinion about things. Ask questions, tough questions. Don’t be afraid to upset the status quo and never let anyone tell you how to think. If you do this you will find your passion, whatever and wherever it may be. And you will find much more beauty and truth along the way.

    Reply
    • criticofchristianity

      Yeah, as much as being here has frustrated me, I can’t imagine it ever not being home.

      Oh yes I am a book freak too. It’s a problem though because I won’t be able to take all of them to Melbourne with me. I don’t want to leave any of them! lol!

      ‘A canine appetite for knowledge.’ I love that!! That’s exactly what I have too! The more I read and the more I study, the more I realise how much I do not know. It is never ending and it’s brilliant.

      Thank you so much! It’s so encouraging for me for someone to say that because I try so hard to think for myself and then I get so much shit for it and it can be really hard not to give up. Sometimes I just want to do whatever they say or agree with whatever they say in order to keep the peace, but then I think no, that’s not who I am. So I really appreciate you saying that, thank you.

      Reply
      • That is a problem. Lol.

        Yes, it is bloody brilliant. Did I use that correctly?

        You are welcome. I try to encourage everyone just starting college to question everything. Just remember your Dumas when you are down: Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you(…)

        Insert woman for man. Ha

      • criticofchristianity

        Hahaha yeah that was just right! Like a fair dinkum Aussie! Lol!

        Haha wow! You should totally become like a motivational speaker or something. I think I will write down that quote and stick it on my wall or somewhere. Totally inspiring. Bring on the storm! Thanks again.

      • I watched Tarantino’s Django Unchained last night and Dumas was mentioned in the film. Since then I’ve had that Dumas quote bouncing around in my head.

        You are very welcome.

  6. Hahaha, the first picture is so funny.

    Reply

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